I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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