chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
