So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
