I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
