how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
