I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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