sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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