Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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