Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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