Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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