the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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