Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
