But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
