operation harelip BJ is a go
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
