how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Farmville is her only friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
