I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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