Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
