Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
