He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
