About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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