Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
