I want to stick my p in your. b.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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