how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
