3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
