remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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