Whod you bang
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
