You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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