he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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