Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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