I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize