Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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