i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
