the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
