Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
