Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
