The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
