saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
