Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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