Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
