everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize