Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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