A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
