Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
