I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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