Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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