apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize