dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
