isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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