her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
