We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is wine microwaveable?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
