before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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