Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
