sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
