i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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