This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
