Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
