Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
