Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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