Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize