Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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