Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
