May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
