You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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