You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
