I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize