The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
