Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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